Whatever You Are Doing....Keep Doing It!"

There are two ways of healing sickness, material means and spiritual means. The first is by the use of remedies, of medicines; the second consists in praying to God and in turning to Him. Both means should be used and practiced.

Illness caused by physical accident should be treated with medical remedies; those which are due to spiritual causes disappear through spiritual means. Thus an illness caused by affliction, fear, nervous impressions, will be healed by spiritual rather than by physical treatment. Hence, both kinds of remedies should be considered. Moreover, they are not contradictory, and thou shouldst accept the physical remedies as coming from the mercy and favor of God, who hath revealed and made manifest medical science so that His servants may profit from this kind of treatment also. Thou shouldst give equal attention to spiritual treatments, for they produce marvelous effects.

    Abdu'l-Baha, Baha'i World Faith  p. 375

On Monday October 19th 2009 I dragged myself out of bed and went to the local hospital's lab to have another round of bloodwork done. This has become a standard part of many of my weeks as my doctor watches the response that my body is having to the interferon and ribavirin, making certain that my blood counts (particularly my white blood cells, red blood cells and platelets) do not plunge dangerously low. I am learning more about these numbers then I ever did in the 2 years of anatomy and physiology courses that I took. When my rbc's initially began to drop I felt breathless and desperately fatigued......"just let me lay here for awhile" was my automatic response for a couple days. Fortunately Lauretta insisted that I get up and walk laps around the yard. One day when she stopped by my office she noted that I looked tired and dragged me out to walk laps around the cemetery behind my office...the irony of which did not escape me. What I quickly discovered is that even this mild exercise rapidly increased my stamina and energy level! So I started trying to bike a little....mostly using my bike on the stationary trainer.....more exercise...more energy! ....Go Rus! I would try to tell myself as often as possible!

In an effort to strengthen the chemotherapy I write inspirational messages on the syringes and pill boxes, often Sacred Verses or private messages of encouragement that some of you have said to me. Every drop of medicine that enters my body is blessed and welcomed in (which is hard when you know that it is going to make you throw up, feel dizzy, shiver and ache). These responses were the only way that I felt I could possibly endure the year long treatment that lay ahead of me. I needed to somehow be able to welcome and embrace these chemicals that felt like they were killing me?!

Another thing that I discovered is that although I had initially considered keeping this whole thing secret and telling only my immediate family, doing so would mean that I would be depriving myself of two very important sources of healing.....the healing power of prayers from as many of my friends and family as possible and the spiritual happiness that service brings to our souls when we serve others; in this case "serving" by trying to educate as many people as possible about the Hepatitis C virus. What I have discovered from this is that every day I have opportunities to serve others by providing encouragement and education to people who are just being diagnosed and their family members. With any medical diagnosis there are many questions and with one which is potentially life threatening there are even more. Helping others start to find answers is healing for me. In addition I have also been able to benefit from a growing number of people praying for my healing. It feels like each day I receive an increasing dose of prayers lifting me up and soothing my soul! Some of you I know have been praying hard!! I can feel it, like I have never felt before!!!

Anyways...as I often do....I have once again taken the winding road to the main point of this blog post....

Today at 3:45PM I got a call from my doctor's office telling me that they had received the lab results from Monday's bloodwork. I suspected that they must be calling to tell me bad news, as my next appointment is still 10 days away, not thinking that in addition to all the routine bloodwork that I have done every two weeks, they also had run a PCR assay test to determine what they refer to as my viral load, the amount of active virus in my blood (this test generally takes two weeks to get back so I was sure that they would not be reporting on it). My viral load had been determined to be 15,063,000 i/u prior to treatment, a level which is categorized as "very high" (the higher the viral load, the less likely it is that a person will respond to treatment...so this number was against me).

So, when I heard Denise's voice, the nurse from my doctor's office, I instantly tensed up and prepared for the worse....afraid that I was going to need to change my medications or stop treatment. I was not prepared for what she told me.

"Rus, Melissa (my doctor) wanted me to call you and let you know that we just got back your viral load test and after 4 weeks of treatment your viral load is 2500 i/u. Your response to the medicine has been unbelievable! She also wanted me to tell you that whatever you are doing....keep doing it!"

This means that I seem to fall into the rare category of "rapid responders" which is a very good thing!!!! It does not mean that I am "out of the woods" or that the virus has been eliminated from my body, but it does mean that I am positioned as favorably as I could possibly be at this time to eventually be cured of this virus!!!! Being able to beat the virus means that I need to continue to respond favorably to treatment and that my body continues to be able to tolerate it for the next 43 weeks.

A friend of mine who has supported hundreds of people who are on this treatment and who has herself been through treatment three times before being able to beat the virus, said "Rus, you have been granted a miracle! This is a genuine miracle from God to you!" I too believe that this is a miracle from God, but I also believe that you all, or as they say in my hometown, "y'all" are a big part of this miracle...y'alls prayers and encouragement have made this happen!

So my dear friends and family, following in the example of my doctor...I would like to humbly and with deep gratitude ask that, "whatever you are doing....keep doing it!" (and I'll add "Please!")

With deep love and profound gratitude,

Rus

 Keeping the Faith...Killing the Virus!

A Shout Out to My Girl!

And when He desired to manifest grace and beneficence to men, and to set the world in order, He revealed observances and created laws; among them He established the law of marriage, made it as a fortress for well-being and salvation, and enjoined it upon us in that which was sent down out of the heaven of sanctity in His Most Holy Book. He saith, great is His glory: "Marry, O people, that from you may appear he who will remember Me amongst My servants; this is one of My commandments unto you; obey it as an assistance to yourselves."

   Baha'u'llah

In the Baha'i Faith one of the fundamental principles is that marriage can be likened to a "fortress for well-being". While I have heard this for many years, and have sought to understand its meaning over the past several months it has become very clear what this means...at least to me. While I named this blog Russoul's Journey, it is much more accurate to describe it as a journey of a family or community. We are all journeying together, interwoven and interdependent in ways in which we can never fully understand. I feel this a lot lately.. often in places and at times which I do not expect. The power of unity is amazingly strong!

Lately this power or strength has been most evident to me within my own home, as I feel the benefit of my "fortress for well-being". Experiencing the challenges and hardships that life presents us is often not easy. It can be even more difficult when these challenges are visited upon those people who we love dearly. People who are so close to us that we want to do anything that we can to alleviate their hardships, and yet because of reality, we feel almost powerless because there is so little that it seems that we can do. And so it is ironic that although I am currently undergoing chemotherapy, I suspect that it may actually be harder on my dear wife, Lauretta. It is to her that I turn each week when I do another treatment and need to be reminded that although this is "hard", it is "good". She reminds me that the interferon and ribavirin that I am taking are "my army of light"...killing the virus that has been attacking my body. She calls me up and reminds me to drink more water and eat lunch or dinner. And most importantly she reminds me that I am loved! But I know that being there for me all the time (not to mention our kids) is not easy and it is tiring.

I have always felt unbelievably blessed to not only have met Lauretta, but to be married to her! I often wonder if those around me feel as blessed and lucky to have married their best friend! Somehow I suspect that this is often the case when people get married, but that they forget that building a fortress takes a long term commitment and that it is not easy. I believe that some of the stresses that people cite as destroying their marriage, could actually, with prayer and nurturing strengthen their marriage. I am not trying to claim to be an expert or to think that this is easy....but my current experience feels like it is strengthening my marriage in spite of the stress that it is causing.

One of the many blessings that Hepatitis C has brought to me is that it has reminded me of how much in love I am and to experience that love over and over throughout the day! It has also allowed me to feel what it is like to live within a "fortress for well-being", a marriage which keeps me safe in times of tests. I feel that being sick has strengthened our fortress and my personal faith in God. I pray that my dear wife is also having a similar experience and that she is feeling loved and nurtured throughout this. I try to share with Lauretta how much I appreciate her love and support...but I don't really know how......How do you really let someone know how much you love and value them? Do we take enough time to pause and let each other know?

I once called her and told her that I had broken down and then put goofy signs along the highway for a couple miles leading up to me, standing there with flowers and a sign telling her Happy Anniversary!

....anyways I just wanted to give a shout out to my BFF (best friend forever) and let her know that I couldn't do this without her! Lauretta, I Love You!!! It has been a long time that we have been traveling together and each year gets better! Thanks for all you are doing and for your committment and support along the journey!

This is Not About Me.....

Over the past few days I have been feeling a little worn down mentally by the treatment. The thought of a year dominated by pills and shots is a little maddening! It is a short step from there to feeling sorry for myself....doubting that I can do this......and then arriving at the most ridiculous of all rhetorical questions...."Why me?"

Once putting that question out into the air it is hard not to start moving down the path of "what does God have against me" or "what did I do to deserve this?" Today while praying I believe that God answered all these questions for me! It came to in the form of the picture below.

I believe that I have been blessed with the opportunity to make a difference in this world...even if it is a very small one. Over the past two decades God has given me everything that  I need to be a survivor. At the age of 22 I was desperate and faithless, with my spirit crushed from addictions to drugs and alcohol. Those of you who knew me then will no doubt remember how far down the slope I had slid. And yet with 1 prayer, 1 plea to God uttered in desperation moments after I was admitted to Binghamton General Hospital's detox unit, I was given a complete and total reprieve! This is the miracle of faith.Today as I edited this photo suddenly it clicked that this is not about me.

You may remember that in 2000 I began cycling as a means of raising awareness for HIV, a horrible virus which I felt was spread primarily by fear and stigma. Of course I realize that this is not really how it is spread...but this is what has allowed it to spread with relatively little resistance, as people felt that it "was not their problem". I did not know why at the time, but I was deeply moved by the hope and strength that I encountered in many of the people that I met who were HIV positive. I drew strength from watching the HIV positive cyclists, take fistfuls of pills and then get on a bike and ride for 100 miles. I had no idea that my life was running a parallel course. I took part in the AIDSRide because I needed to do something that was harder than anything I had ever done before. But the ride was much more than that. It was not about me, but about educating others about the horrors of HIV.

On July 9th 2009 I suddenly began learning about Hepatitis C, a virus that I knew nothing about and had heard no one talk about.....surely it was rare. Actually there are more than 5 times as many people in the US with Hepatitis C as HIV, a total of about 5 million people infected in our country alone!

If so many people have Hep C than why aren't more people talking about it? Amazingly because most of them don't know they have it and most doctors never order the proper screening to diagnose it!

Since so many people have Hep C there must be a great deal of support and education for people who have it. Wrong Again! One of the cruelest parts of Hep C is that due to misconceptions and stigma, most people suffer in isolation and silence...scared that people will pass moral judgment if they tell their friends that they are HepC positive.

This allows the virus to spread....under the cover of ignorance, fear and apathy.......

Which brings me back to my rhetorical question, "why me?".....

I don't believe that God gave me Hepatitis C so that I can "learn a lesson", but I do believe that God has given me opportunities to learn lessons, so that I can help others learn as well. I will not be a "victim" of Hepatitis C. I will not be silent and hide in fear and isolation. I will seize this as an opportunity to educate others.....because this is not about me. This is about the 5 million plus citizens in the United States who are living with the virus. This is about the 170 million people in the world who are living with this virus. And most importantly this is about finding a cure for the millions of people who are known as "non-responders", who cannot be cured with current treatments. Because someday I will be gone....and it is my intention to make certain that this virus will also be!

Why me? Because God has let me know that this is not about me. This is about us, trying to do what has been impossible thus far, and what some still say is impossible.

Because if you never try....you never succeed!




Keep the Faith! Kill the Virus!