Love is Strong

Last Monday night I received my second weekly injection and the impact was “pretty intense” for a few hours afterwards. Anyways Tuesday I was still dragging and spent much of the day sleeping. My children knew that I was obviously not feeling well and offered a prayer for my relief. On Wednesday morning when I awoke I felt great! As I first woke up and was still lying in bed I remember thinking that I felt the best that I had in a very long time! Just after waking, my youngest son Ruhu’llah presented me with a handmade get well card which touched my heart. In addition he handed me a cut out heart, with a message that was so profound it has become more so each time I meditate on it. It stated simply, “Love is Strong”, from Ruhi.
Yes Ruhi, Love is Strong! And the love of those around me is the strongest medicine that I could ever have!
It strikes me as being incredibly ironic how often we speak of the negative or destructive “powers at work” in the world around us overlooking the power of love. We are in danger of being able to only recognize the lack of love; failing to take note of the transformative and healing power of love.
Love is strong!!!! Now there is a thought for the day…….why do we forget that?

When you love a member of your family or a compatriot, let it be with a ray of the Infinite Love! Let it be in God, and for God! Wherever you find the attributes of God love that person, whether he be of your family or of another. Shed the light of a boundless love on every human being whom you meet, whether of your country, your race, your political party, or of any other nation, color or shade of political opinion. Heaven will support you while you work in this in-gathering of the scattered peoples of the world beneath the shadow of the almighty tent of unity.
You will be servants of God, who are dwelling near to Him, His divine helpers in the service, ministering to all Humanity. All Humanity! Every human being! Never forget this!
Do not say, he is an Italian, or a Frenchman, or an American, or an Englishman, remember only that he is a son of God, a servant of the Most High, a man! All are men! Forget nationalities; all are equal in the sight of God!
Remember not your own limitations; the help of God will come to you. Forget yourself. God's help will surely come! 
When you call on the Mercy of God waiting to reinforce you, your strength will be tenfold.
Look at me: I am so feeble, yet I have had the strength given me to come amongst you: a poor servant of God, who has been enabled to give you this message! I shall not be with you long! One must never consider one's own feebleness, it is the strength of the Holy Spirit of Love, which gives the power to teach. The thought of our own weakness could only bring despair. We must look higher than all earthly thoughts; detach ourselves from every material idea, crave for the things of the spirit; fix our eyes on the everlasting bountiful Mercy of the Almighty, who will fill our souls with the gladness of joyful service to His command 'Love One Another'.

    Abdu'l-Baha, Paris Talks

Signposts

I know that I have shared that this portion of my journey began with a visit to the doctor for a basic physical. What is interesting to me, is why I went for the physical. On June 27th, 2009 I was at Southern Dharma Retreat Center for a weekend of dancing and singing, inspired by Sufi dances and singing sacred verses from all different religions. The weekend culminated with a dance in which we all were praying for the healing of the people of the world. It was at this time that I was given the clear and unmistakable message that I needed to seek medical care. I don't often feel truly guided to do anything (nor do I spend much time dancing and singing, but it is something that I would encourage others to check out). I don't know how to describe what I had happen, but I was told clearly that now it was time to go to take care of myself. The experience was so profound that when it happened I felt scared and confused, fearful that something very bad lay ahead of me. Later that afternoon, as I sat silently meditating and praying I felt this fear replaced with serenity and peace, and I began to feel confident that whatever lay ahead, God would give me what I needed to face it. This feeling has stayed with me nearly every moment since then.

I believe that God sends us signposts all throughout our journey, but unless we know "how to read", or take the time to read them, we stumble along in darkness or rush forward at unsafe speeds oblivious of the beautiful landscape that we are rushing past. When we remain open, we receive countless confirmations from God each day, guiding us as we move forward. My personal experience has convinced me that in order to be able to recognize these signs it is important that I spend time each day focusing on my spiritual development, praying, meditating and serving others.
 
Lately I have realized that the part of my journey that I am now on has hit a steep uphill section. I can feel it. Some steps are hard to take and yet still I need to keep putting one foot in front of the other, more deliberate than ever. The path is hard and slow, a much different pace than I am comfortable with. Suddenly I feel shifted back to living very much in "today"...in the "minute"....in the "second", that I am presently experiencing. Every 12 hours I take another dose of Ribavirin and wait to see what happens (so far the side effects have been pretty well tolerable.... although I seem to be experiencing what a friend called "Man-o-pause"...a series of intense, hot flashes...thankfully this only lasts about an hour at a time).  My Outlook calendar fills up with meetings months in advance, and I am living minute-to-minute.

One of the blessings that has come with this slower, more deliberate pace is that I feel like I am noticing more of the beauty around me. God's grace is more evident than ever. As I type, a night of insomnia is ending with a beautiful sunrise! All around me I am seeing people caring and helping each other. And perhaps one of the greatest blessings that I could ever experience is that I know that I am not traveling this journey alone. I am surrounded by friends and family and we are all climbing this mountain together, uncertain what lay ahead, but moving onward up the mountain towards an unseen peak.  I am privileged to have your accompaniment. I am thankful to each and all of you! And, I am thankful to God, for the signposts along the way!

Things could be worse....much, much worse!

Monday we began the chemical warfare against the virus....and yes I am using weapons of mass destruction. I had initially thought about naturopathic treatments and then I watched a nifty video online that showed the virus replicating up to 10 TRILLION times per day...and I was like...OK... so lets call in the heavy artillery! I will be using natural treatements as a complement and post treatment. Fortunately I have the coolest doctor on earth...or at least one of them...and they are completely willing and supportive of me researching and trying things that I am drawn to try...providing that they are not known to have a harmful effect on the liver.

So yesterday I took my first doses of riba and my first injection. It turns out giving yourself an injection isn't such a big deal.  Throughout the day I felt kinda icky and sweaty, a little bit nauseous and on edge...but I have felt much of this for a good long time...so I don't know if it was meds or virus making me feel that way.

Tuesday morning I awoke and  immediately started laughing as I remembered a conversation that I had with the doctor on Monday in which she implored me to exercise at least 10 minutes every day. As I began to enter into the world of consciousness and realize what I was feeling like the thought of exercising was nothing less than humorous! Feeling the way that I felt at that moment I was more likely to light myself on fire than I was to exercise! LOL!!! I was not sure if I could even stand up...although I did....motivated by the fact that I had drank 120 ozs. of water yesterday and I understood the implications if I didn't stand up and amble across the room quickly!

Once I got up and started the day I realized that the feeling that I had felt strangely familiar. Then it dawned on me I was feeling absolutely and totally hung-over. Like I had just been on a three-day non-stop bender! Like I had taken twelve different drugs in pursuit of the ellusive knowledge that I thought the universe was trying to hide from me and that hallucinogenic drugs were going to allow me to discover! I had been here before.....

And then I realized...no, I have not! I was not drunk yesterday. I was not weaving through the streets of my home town...ranting and raving at those people who crossed my path. I was not hiding somewhere getting high and not caring about the impact that it had on me (or others). My actions yesterday will not put me at risk to go to jail. I did not cheat anyone so that I could have more money for drugs or booze. I remember where I was and what happened yesterday.

I suspect that feeling hung-over and crappy will get old if it continues for the next year straight... but I realized this morning that I have lived through worse...active addiction. I have already spent a large part of my life hung-over.I am grateful that as lousy as I feel...I am clean and sober. Things could be worse....much, much worse. I am not hung-over....I am healing! I am blessed beyond words!

Now...about that exercise...I'm still not too sure....

Prayer for patience

"Resort ye, in times of sickness, to competent physicians"

Resort ye, in times of sickness, to competent physicians; We have not set aside the use of material means, rather have We confirmed it through this Pen, which God hath made to be the Dawning-place of His shining and glorious Cause.
-Baha'u'llah, The Kitab-i-Aqdas


Following my last visit to the gastroenterologist, I realized that although the doctor and physician assistant were both nice people and probably very effective with some diagnoses, it was clear that the treatment of Hepatitis C was not their specialty. Lauretta reminded me of the above quote which provoked me to go to an appointment with another doctor who I had called and spoken to. I am so glad that I went to the appointment as I found a competent physician who is both passionate about her work and compassionate in her treatment of patients. I have been praying and asking God to help me find a collaborator and He sent me one! At the moment that I was told that I had Hepatitis C I felt absolutely alone…..gradually I can feel more people and more support starting to build around me. I do not feel alone, and in fact I am finding that I can be of support to others who themselves are just finding out that they have Hep C.

Next week I start a year long course of treatment. While the treatment is very hard for many people to tolerate and it often does not work, for those who respond to it, it is a Miracle Cure. I believe in miracles and have in fact already been blessed by several in my life, so I am on board and will start the treatment on Monday. I had the meds (Interferon and Ribavirin)delivered by UPS on Wednesday and I welcome their arrival. I am not a big fan of taking medication and have tried to take it as seldom as possible over the last 2 decades, but I am viewing these particular meds as a Silver Bullet against an evil assailant. These drugs provide HOPE for the hundreds of millions of people who are faced with this virus, and who would otherwise have very few other options at stopping this slow killer.

I would of course welcome your prayers for my family and to increase the effectiveness of the treatment and that all goes well.Please feel free to forward this blog to others who you think would be interested in joining us on this journey. Also please feel free to add comments if you would like.

Say for me love

A song for the day.....


Years ago a dear friend of my dreamed that she was walking across a bridge and she encountered me. Startled to see me on the bridge she asked, "Rus, what brings you here?"
"Love", I replied.....

turn up your speakers, click below, close your eyes and enjoy....

Living of Love