Signposts

I know that I have shared that this portion of my journey began with a visit to the doctor for a basic physical. What is interesting to me, is why I went for the physical. On June 27th, 2009 I was at Southern Dharma Retreat Center for a weekend of dancing and singing, inspired by Sufi dances and singing sacred verses from all different religions. The weekend culminated with a dance in which we all were praying for the healing of the people of the world. It was at this time that I was given the clear and unmistakable message that I needed to seek medical care. I don't often feel truly guided to do anything (nor do I spend much time dancing and singing, but it is something that I would encourage others to check out). I don't know how to describe what I had happen, but I was told clearly that now it was time to go to take care of myself. The experience was so profound that when it happened I felt scared and confused, fearful that something very bad lay ahead of me. Later that afternoon, as I sat silently meditating and praying I felt this fear replaced with serenity and peace, and I began to feel confident that whatever lay ahead, God would give me what I needed to face it. This feeling has stayed with me nearly every moment since then.

I believe that God sends us signposts all throughout our journey, but unless we know "how to read", or take the time to read them, we stumble along in darkness or rush forward at unsafe speeds oblivious of the beautiful landscape that we are rushing past. When we remain open, we receive countless confirmations from God each day, guiding us as we move forward. My personal experience has convinced me that in order to be able to recognize these signs it is important that I spend time each day focusing on my spiritual development, praying, meditating and serving others.
 
Lately I have realized that the part of my journey that I am now on has hit a steep uphill section. I can feel it. Some steps are hard to take and yet still I need to keep putting one foot in front of the other, more deliberate than ever. The path is hard and slow, a much different pace than I am comfortable with. Suddenly I feel shifted back to living very much in "today"...in the "minute"....in the "second", that I am presently experiencing. Every 12 hours I take another dose of Ribavirin and wait to see what happens (so far the side effects have been pretty well tolerable.... although I seem to be experiencing what a friend called "Man-o-pause"...a series of intense, hot flashes...thankfully this only lasts about an hour at a time).  My Outlook calendar fills up with meetings months in advance, and I am living minute-to-minute.

One of the blessings that has come with this slower, more deliberate pace is that I feel like I am noticing more of the beauty around me. God's grace is more evident than ever. As I type, a night of insomnia is ending with a beautiful sunrise! All around me I am seeing people caring and helping each other. And perhaps one of the greatest blessings that I could ever experience is that I know that I am not traveling this journey alone. I am surrounded by friends and family and we are all climbing this mountain together, uncertain what lay ahead, but moving onward up the mountain towards an unseen peak.  I am privileged to have your accompaniment. I am thankful to each and all of you! And, I am thankful to God, for the signposts along the way!